Stargazing in Daylight (Ironies and Idiosyncracies)

"On a night like this I could fall in love

I could fall in love with you

In this dark so dense, we talk so soft

The way young lovers do

The days last sight turns to cool nights breeze

And this love hangs thick like these willow leaves

Ive hid myself away from this

But your silhouette is the Judas kiss

On a night like this I could fall in love

I could fall in love with you...- sang by Dave Barnes"

"On a night like this I could fall in love

I could fall in love with you

In this dark so dense, we talk so soft

The way young lovers do

The days last sight turns to cool nights breeze

And this love hangs thick like these willow leaves

Ive hid myself away from this

But your silhouette is the Judas kiss

On a night like this I could fall in love

I could fall in love with you. -Until Now, Dave Barnes"

On first impressions:

People are not what they usually seem.

Yung akala mong sinasaktan,

masokista pala.

Yung akala mong nanakit,

sadista pala.

Maari bang mangyari ito ng sabay? Oo.

May mga taong kayang manakit habang sinasaktan.   

On different personalities:

Hinde por que hindi ka nagagalit

ay hindi ka nasasaktan.

Nagkataon lang,

na iba’t- iba ang levels of maturity ng bawat tao.

May mga taong imbes na magalit

ay iniintindi na lamang ang mga nakakasakit na tao at pangyayari.

Pero hinde nangangahulugan,

na hinde sila nasasaktan.

Ika nga… “silent water runs deep.”

On second chances and second best:

If you have set your standards,

Live with it. 

Never settle for the second best.

Because even the second best,

Doesn’t deserve second chances.

Paradox and Irony (Prologue)*

"The paradox of love is to be selfless. If you love someone with all your heart without expecting anything in return, then that is selfless love.  However, human nature obviously hinders us from achieving selfless love because we always expect, hope and yearn to fulfill our needs and desires. We will never be contented of what we have at the moment, no matter how much was already given or received.  "  -- DGE 09.18.06 

Prologue : Paglisan sa Kaarawan

202300H June 2007

Tick. Tack. Tick. Tack.

Mahimbing ang pagtulog mo. Pinagmamasdan kita. Wari'y parang napakapayapa ng kapaligiran habang natutulog ka, maliban sa tunog ng kahel na orasan. Parang walang aalis matapos ang isang kaarawan.  Gusto mo maging masaya tayo dahil ipinagdiriwang natin ang panibagong taon ng buhay ko pero alam natin na bukas, ikaw naman ang lilisan. Ang pagdating ng bagong yugto sa aking buhay ang siya namang pag-alis mo (Irony). 

Lub. Dub. Lub. Dub.

Pinakinggan ko ang iyong paghinga. Ang bawat pagtibok ng puso mo ay nangungusap sa damdaming 'di mo na dapat inamin isang taon na ang nakalilipas.  Kung hindi mo sinabi ang nararamdaman mo noon, sana'y nakaligtas tayo sa sakit na haharapin natin sa mga susunod na araw na magkahiwalay tayo.  Sabi mo noon, hindi mo na kayang kimkimin pa ang damdaming iyon.  Ang mahalaga para sa iyo ay maparating ang mensahe sakin, kung ano ang tinitibok ng puso mo simula pa nung tatlong taon na tayo na nakilala mo ako. Kahit alam mong hindi pa oras, pinangunahan mo na ang pagkakataon (Irony).

Hindi ko na ginustong ipahinga ang diwa ko kasabay ng payapa mong pagtulog.  Dahil natatakot ako na sa paggising ko ay wala ka na sa tabi ko.  Ang gusto ko, kung aalis ka, makikita kita sa iyong paglisan. Kahit masakit na makita kang naglalakad papalayo  Kahit maihahatid ka lamang ng aking mga mata sa iyong sasakyan.

Kaya pinagmasdan na lang kita habang natutulog, pilit na tinatatak sa aking gunita ang hitsura ng iyong bagong gupit na buhok, ng iyong maamong mukha, ng iyong nangungusap ng mga mata, ng iyong malalakas na bisig na tatak ng isang Ayer.  Ngunit nangingilid na ang luha ko. Dahil alam kong simula bukas ay hindi na kita makikita. Sa mga darating na Pasko at Bagong Taon, ni sa susunod na kaarawan mo at kaarawan ko, wala ka rito sa piling ko. Ngunit dahil laging buhay sa aking diwa ang iyong mga katagang ayaw mong makita o marinig akong umiiyak, pinigil ko ang paghikbi. Kahit alam nating pareho na emosyonal ako (Irony).

Tick. Tack. Tick. Tack.

Oo. Emosyonal nga ako pero kinubli ko ang pagluha dahil hindi ko ginustong masayang ang bawat oras, minuto at segundong natitira na kapiling kita. Sa iyo ko hinugot ang aking lakas. Wala kang nakitang ni isang luha na pumatak pagmulat ng mga mata mo mula sa mahimbing na pagtulog.  Kahit pareho natin alam na walang kasiguraduhan ang kinabukasang haharapin natin na magkalayo sa bawat isa.  Kahit kinukubli mo ang iyong emosyon habang binabasa mo ang mga sulat ko sa iyo --mga sinulat ko sa iba't ibang kulay na papel sa panahong nakadestino ka sa malayo at hindi kita nakikita-- nadama ko na kagad ang pangungulila mo sa akin kapag malayo ka na.  Nangingilid na ang luha mo. Hindi mo na nga ginustong tapusin pa ang huling sulat na hawak mo. Dahil ayaw mong ipakitang mahina ka. Dahil alam mong ikaw ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas. At sa oras na magpakita ka ng bahid ng kahinaan ay maimpluwensyahan mo ako. Dahil ayaw mong maging madamdamin ang huling sandali na kasama mo ako (Irony).

To be continued...

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* Prologue of a work in progress, my unpublished novel entitled:  "Paradox and Irony " Odezza Files, 2008.

Para sa naudlot na UP fair,

Para sa tawanang walang humpay,

Para sa kakulitang ‘di masaway,

Para sa kuwentuhang walang tigil,

Para sa kainang walang pigil,

Para sa musikang walang katapusan,

Para sa marami pang taon na pagkakaibigan.

Masaya ako at nakilala kita

Hinde lamang bilang si “Joss-sua” na taga Sourcing

Kundi bilang si Josh na nakaka-appreciate ng sining, musika at buhay.

May ilan pala na humahanga sa iyo

Dahil sa iyong edad ay nagpapakita ka na ng potensyal,

Na balang araw, magiging matagumpay ka sa larangan na iyong tatahakin.

Isa na rito ang malapit kong kaibigan, itago na lang natin sa pangalang Janeo

Na kasama ko na malugod na bumabati sayo ng isang  "Maligayang Kaarawan!"

(Shhh...Hinde alam niya alam na sinama ko ang pangalan niya dito. Mahiyain yun eh :> )

              ---dez 01.01.08

Remnants of my past : http://marikitpikit.livejournal.com/     http://marikitpikit.buzznet.com/user/main/
(Reminded me of how sentimental i was during AFP days)

I've created two blogs back in 2004: livejournal and multiply. Then after four years,(since most of my friends kept their multiply accounts), I've chosen to re-activate the multiply account, migrating the old entries from the livejournal account to multiply (peer pressure!).

Work in progress : http://dez1981.multiply.com/ 
(Short-term memory loss hindered me from creating my favorite html marquees ;> )

Mi e tu…

The sunrise and the sunset…

The yin and the yang…

Whenever I feel cranky, your perkiness lightens up every mood.

Whenever you feel like bursting, I am your shock absorber.

Whenever I feel like hating the world, you listen.

In moments on solitude, we find solace in poetic intimacy.

Regardless of distance, time, motion and even gravity (airborne or static),

We share our innermost feelings. 

You said you wont care about what other people will say because spontaneity is your middle name. 

As long as we act upon our emotions at the moment, we are ecstatic. 

And so as you soar the altitude of life, I find myself keeping pace. 

Anticipating your promise of “very soon,” all these made me more of an optimist now.

Don’t keep Cupcakes waiting. 

Tu me mangues… 

Semper fidelis…

Moi.

  - - - Unpublished letter to C-130 dtd 23 Mar 08

“Let’s defy distance,

  Words connecting us,

 Feelings shared between,

 Beyond boundaries,

 Always missing you. (dez 08.08.07)”

        - - - Unpublished haiku for C-130 dtd 08 Aug 07

     "I know I am not patient but love is.

      I may be selfish but love is not.

      But lately, I have became like love: more patient, selfless.

      Love teaches me how to  sacrifice and compromise.

Because if it  does not, it's not love. It's just convenience.”

    The original was sent as a message to Mr. Flores =>

    * Let me tell you a story of a Neophyte.

      Neophyte was a self-confessed pessimist

      who didn't believe in happy endings and toy

      baloons, used to isolate herself from office

      cliques who have their own idiosincracies.

      She used to whine about work-related

      conflicts, used to be impatient of everyday

      nuisances that work life brings to her. She

      didnt open up to anyone until 2 Newbies

      came along : Neoprint and Neocolors. Then,

      when "love" found her last Dec 11, the

      self-confessed pessimist transformed into a

      sweet and thoughtful girl - optimistic, who

      believes that love can move mountains

      -barriers to Long Distance Relationships

      (LDR). She became a hopeful

      romantic-coming to work with a smile,

      greeting everyone with her cheer and

      influencing those around her including

      Neoprint (Neocolors, the other member of

      the triad has been passive lately because

      she has her own struggle to win back a love

      once lost).

    * Neophyte's optimism about life and love

      went on and on for 3 blissful months of

      being together with the "oNE/the Matrix."

      But recently, Neophyte decided to end it all,

      saying that there's no perfect time to say

      goodbye. Why? Because she felt she

      needed to be assured that "the oNE" will

      fight for her and stand by her -against all

      odds, all boundaries: be it spatial or time

      and motion.

      Indeed, Neophyte is a neophyte in her own

      right because she said that she has never

      been intoxicated with emotions as intense

      as she felt with "the oNE"

    * When she finally decides to let go, the

      sunny disposition was replaced with a

      gloomy aura. She has been constantly

      questioning "what if's and what have nots"

      She has been engulfed in a web of

      depression that "breaking up" has done.

      The smile faded. The cheer blurred. All that

      was left was cynicism about love and life.

      She seeks solace from her support group:

      her close friends, including Neoprint.

      Neoprint, as a confidante, can only shed

      some light on her personal experiences with

      a love that once lost due to LDR. She

      wanted both Neophyte and "the oNE" to

      both understand that LDR is more

      complicated than any other type of

      relationship for it entails 2 mature people to

      handle volatile emotions. She cannot

      dictate nor intervene. She can only advise

      and share her insights as results of her

      personal experience of LDR.

    * Let us find wisdom in the words of Neoprint

      to her former love:

      "I know I am not patient but love is.

      I may be selfish but love is not.

      But lately, I have became like love: more

      patient, selfless. Love teaches me how to

      sacrifice and compromise. Because if it

      does not, it's not love. It's just

      convenience. (dez 22.12.06)"

            -- Unpublished Letter to Stellar dated 22 Dec 2006 "